Regular one-to-ones pay off. Gallup found that employees whose managers hold regular meetings with them are almost three times as likely to be engaged.
But a slot in the diary doesn't mean anything lands. As Dr Andy Hill, performance psychologist at Mindflick, puts: "It's really, really easy to confuse having the meeting with having communicated."
Often what really happens is that people nod, they say it makes sense, then they walk out unsure what to do next. In Andy's words, what counts is "what information lands with the person I'm having that conversation with."
Performance psychologist Dr Andy Hill has covered this topic extensively in our masterclass: Why one-to-ones fall flat and how to fix yours. We've also created The 1-1 Performance Framework which you can download further down this page.
So, how do you know if your one-to-ones are falling flat? Here are five signs to watch for, with a quick fix for each.
If you run the one-to-one, start by asking yourself how much of it is you speaking. "Quite often one-to-ones can, without us realising, become quite one-sided conversations," Dr Andy Hill notes. You need to do this. Here's where you're good. Here's where you're not. At that point "it stops being a one-to-one and verges into territory of monologue."
I see this a lot, and it often comes from our natural preferences. If you lean towards getting tasks done, it's easy to treat a one-to-one as a list to work through. You reach the end of the list, and the other person has barely spoken.
Quick fix: open with a question, then listen. Andy likes what he calls the old Facebook question: "What's on your mind?" It's a warm, open invitation, and it hands the first few minutes to the other person.
You sit down, chat for half an hour, and neither of you could say what it was for. "A clear agenda can really help," Dr Andy Hill said, "but if we don't have one of those, then we're prone to drifting."
It's an easy trap if you tend to shoot from the hip, or if most of your catch-ups happen as quick chats in the corridor.
Quick fix: decide the aim before you start. Is this a progress check-in, a development chat, or feedback? Then check it against what they need, using what's sometimes called the door handle question:
"When your hand touches the door handle at the end of this one-to-one, what needs to have happened for this to have been a success for you?"
It's my favourite question. It gets people who haven't prepared much for their one-to-one focused on what they need from it.
Same update, same answers, every week. Nobody says anything new, and the real issue never comes up.
Quick fix: ask "And what else?" Then ask it again. "I personally do this all the time," said Andy, who uses it in his own work as a psychologist. "If you keep going with that, people will actually get to the crux of an issue quite quickly."
If you want to move from talking to solving, try a scale. Ask where things are right now, from 1 (disaster) to 10 (amazing). If they answer with 6. Ask what a 7 would look like.
"Whatever number they give you, just go plus one." It lets them start finding their own next step.
This is the biggest red flag of the five. "The whole point of a one-to-one is to try and create some sort of change," Dr Andy Hill adds.
That might mean getting better at something, or changing direction. "We could theoretically talk about this forever, but if we don't activate it, nothing happens."
Quick fix: save the last few minutes to pin down what happens next:
What's the first step?
Who owns it?
What might get in the way?
By when?
Then check it has landed. Ask them to play it back to you: "Just explain to me then where we're at in this conversation and what's going to happen next."
If they can, you know the message got through. If they can't, you've found out while there's still time to fix it.
If your team keep moving or dropping their one-to-ones, take note. "Maybe that's a sign that they're not getting value from it," Dr Andy Hill adds.
It works the other way too. If you're the one cancelling, ask why. "Time is probably our biggest single commodity," says Andy Hill. Leaders who spend their days firefighting are often the first to let one-to-ones slip.
Quick fix: put a regular slot in the calendar and protect it. "If it isn't booked in, it's not going to happen." Then at the beginning of the one-to-one ask the other person straight out what would make the time worth it for them.
And don't wait to be asked. As Dr Andy Hill puts it: "If somebody's approaching you as a leader saying, look, would it be possible to get a one-to-one in at some point? At that point, you know you've left it too late."
Pick the sign that resonates most try its quick fix next time. If you only change two things, we recommend open with "What's on your mind?" and close by asking them to play back the next steps. Those two questions alone change the shape of the conversation.
Plus, if you want a handy framework for your one-to-ones with a simple performance psychology-backed structure, download the framework below.